Saying Goodbye: Take 2

If you weren't there the day in May that Nathan left for LTC (when he went to Kentucky), I'll just go ahead and tell you that there was a lot of crying involved. To Lindsay's credit, I think most of the hysterics were mine. Looking back, I really don't know what I was so upset about. I never went more than six weeks without seeing Nathan for a weekend, and I had to do that only twice. But of course you know what they say about hindsight.

One of the things that I remember Nathan's mother telling me about being an Army wife is that when your husband leaves, you have to keep it together. Last May was a miserable failure in that department. I have been promising myself ever since that next time, whenever that turned out to be, I would do better.

Next time turned out to be today. It was supposed to be in April, but the Army tends to not think about the delicate feelings of Army wives when making last-minute changes in plans. As long as there were still weeks between me and Nathan's deployment, I could push it out of my mind and avoid all the business details, the power of attorney, the figuring out what to do with his truck, how to contact specific offices on post for things. Nathan came home Friday afternoon and told me that we had six days to get things in order. That definitely threw a wrench in all my plans to avoid the inevitable.

In those six days, I kept getting this familiar panic feeling. What it reminded me of most were the exam weeks during sophomore year of vet school - this terrible thing is bearing down on you and you have to survive it somehow, but you can't figure out how to delay it no matter what you do. I tried staying up late to make the days seem longer (Makes sense, right? If you don't go to bed, the day isn't over...), but that just made me tired. I tried pretending each day was a normal day, but time seemed to fly anyway.

Once I realized there was no point in trying to pretend today wouldn't come, I had to start fighting off The Meltdown. I can't remember if I had one before Nathan was actually leaving last time, but I was determined I wouldn't have one this time until after he left. He's had enough to worry about. Like going to Afghanistan. I developed some pretty effective tactics, too. First, you might as well go about your day like it's a normal day. There is no point in histrionics. Second, once the business things are taken care of, keep discussions about deployment simple. Do not think, let alone say, things like "I don't know how I'm going to make it." or "What will I do without you?" These are overly dramatic, and why make your soldier feel guilty for leaving? He doesn't want to leave you, but he has to. Don't make him feel bad about it. Third, under no circumstances should you entertain the thought that he will not be coming back. Unless, of course, you want to have a psychotic break in the next 12 months. Will it cross your mind? Definitely. Should you immediately change your mental channel? Absolutely. Fourth, do not start crying or you won't be able to stop crying. When you feel tears coming on, think of something happy and hold your breath for a few seconds. This prevents uncontrollable sobbing. Once the urge to fall apart subsides, take a slow, deep breath. This got me through the last week, and most importantly, it got me through this morning. You don't have to manage to look happy. You just have to not make a fool of yourself in public.

I know how ridiculous all that sounds to an outsider. But if you ever find yourself putting your better half on a plane with body armor and guns, and praying he never needs to use either, you may appreciate the advice.

Now, If you'll excuse me, I think I've earned myself a good cry.

Welcome to the Army!

I finally completed my AFTB Level 1 class scheduled through ACS. Make any sense to you? No? Well there's a reason I've been here over two months, and I'm just taking this class. Don't worry, ladies. If you're a new or soon-to-be Army wife, you'll want to keep reading. Save yourself the headaches I've had. If you're not and never will be an Army wife, you might want to take a glimpse into our world.

I've been trying to decide how to arrange this post so that it's actually useful for some of you. I think I'll start at the beginning. I mean when you get home from the honeymoon, here is what you'll need to do, and in approximately this order. I'll give you the acronym, followed by the meaning in parenthesis. After a while, you won't remember or care what all the letters stand for. You'll just know them. When you first get to a post, you'll get bombarded with a ton of papers, brochures, and folders of information (at least they DO give you a local map in there somewhere - that's been useful). I've tried to narrow it down to the things that I think are most important.

Get enrolled in DEERS (Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System). This puts you on record as a dependent of a soldier. He'll have to add you to TriCare (health insurance) and life insurance separately, but you have to be in DEERS first.

Once you're in DEERS, get an ID card. You'll have to go with your husband to get it, so make him get all the paperwork. I'm sorry, but at this point it's been nearly two years since I've done that part, and I just don't remember how it went. You will not want to lose your ID card under any circumstances. It's your passport to get on and off post, proof to back up your health insurance card, and to make purchases at the commissary and PX (Post Exchange - those are the tax-free grocery store and tax-free department store, respectively). ID cards can be replaced, but it is much much much more difficult than getting a new driver's license. I think the police have to get involved. Just don't lose your ID card.

Your husband's unit's FRG (family readiness group - spouses and friends of the soldiers) should be giving you a welcome call to offer guidance on what to do next. Mine didn't so I was a bit lost. You'll definitely want to get plugged in with them, though. In case you slip through the cracks, you'll need your husband (or fiance) to get the names of your FRG leaders (usually the spouses of a senior officer and a senior enlisted soldier) and their contact information. Another term you might hear is the FRSA. The FRSA (Family Readiness Senior Advisor) is a paid civilian that is sort of the liason between the unit's commander and the FRG. He or she helps insure accurate and efficient flow of information between the two.

In any case, once you talk to the FRG, they should be able to point you in the right direction for whatever services you need on post. There is income tax filing assistance, free (and off the record) counseling, a thrift store, all kinds of things you may not know about otherwise.

Now that you have your ID card and can get on post without your husband, the first place you should find is ACS (Army Community Services). They are the ones that run or coordinate most of the spouse support services. They can help you with federal/on-post employment, as well as helping to direct you to other services. They host a "lending closet" for families that have found housing, but haven't received their belongings from the movers yet. The lending closet has folding tables and chairs, sleeping mats, pots and pans, and other simple household goods.

Another service ACS offers are the AFTB classes (Army Family Team Building). There are three levels. I've just finished the first one. It would be helpful if you're brand new to Army life. The class covers a lot of the services offered on post, as well as some basics of Army life and traditions.

The other major thing I haven't really talked about is housing. It varies so much from post to post that my experience here won't be very helpful. My best advice is to call as far in advance to see what your post's housing situation is. If you need to be on a waiting list, get on it as soon as possible. If the housing is very limited like it was here, you may want to make an advance trip to find a house or apartment so you can be sure to get a place you really want to live. You'll be glad you did.

This post wasn't that long, but it feels overwhelming to me - and I'm the one who wrote it. If you need any help please just ask me. I'd be happy to help you get through whatever it is.

Ok friends, I need your help...

I have just learned that Nathan's mother is coming to visit in about 10 days. That's really great. No, really. It's just that I've been ignoring the guest bedroom since we moved in. I didn't expect anybody to come visit any time soon. Now I'm in desperate need of a duvet cover. I really want to do something sunny and yellow in there, because I love yellow for decorating and Nathan doesn't. If I can stash it away in the guest room, it's a perfect compromise. Nathan doesn't have to live around the yellow, but I still get to use it. I really love this duvet cover from Pottery Barn, but I don't have $150 for one.

I also really love this one, even though it's not really yellow at all. But also massively expensive.

The style I'm going for is floral, but still within my own generation. That's the nicest way I can think of to say "not old-womanish" without actually saying it. Oops. But anyway, I love this one because it's a beautiful robin's egg blue, not that dusty blue from the 80s. I can't really explain why I love it, so maybe we should just stick with yellow.

So far, I've been to Target, Pier 1, and Bed, Bath, & Beyond in person, as well as websites for Target, BB&B, Crate and Barrel, CB2, Macy's, JC Penny, Anthropologie, Amazon, The Company Store, Overstock.com, Ikea, QVC and Home Shopping Network (so I'm getting desperate, ok?). No luck with anything affordable in yellow.

Do you have any other suggestions for websites with nice, at-least-somewhat-modernish bedding? ANYTHING at all?

I just thought you all should know something. As I was driving home from Ft. Drum by way of the mall, the dry cleaners, and Walgreen's, I realized that I didn't have my map with me. Then I realized that it was all ok, because I hadn't needed my map. Can you believe it? I have dared to venture from my apartment with no map, and without being so panicked as to have to check the weather forecast before deciding to go. As I walked out my door, I also thought it seemed a little bit warm outside. I was right. It was up to 34 degrees, and it was raining slightly. I consider that to be a nice day. Anyway, I just thought you should know.

-Shellaine-

Maturing the Kiser Household, One Piece of Furniture at a Time

I got a lot of feed back about the tv stand. Just so you know what I had to work with, have a look at this.

Can you say "college dorm"? We picked a tv stand from the ones I showed you here and the winner is...

Credenza! Or I guess us, since we're the ones that got the schnazzy new furniture. I realize having the tv on doesn't help the image, but it's to prove a point. After I moved the tv onto the new stand (by myself! Woohoo!), I hooked everything back up. And it works. See? There's cable on tv. Captain has been curious about the tv stand. He's probably mad that he can't crawl around in all the cords. I'm sure he'll get over it.

The tv stand came from thesimplestores.com. They have a huge selection and fast shipping, as long as you don't mind putting your furniture together yourself. Which I don't. It's better than some careless delivery man in a hurry trying to throw my furniture together so they can get back to their truck. The only thing I'm worried about is how the tv stand will hold up in the next move. I'll let you know.

Light Box

With the exception of the sprigs of green grass buried under the snow, it's almost a certainty that nothing can grow outside here.

I left behind a great little herb garden in Mississippi, and I've really been missing it. Bottled spices just don't have the same visual appeal. Plus, who isn't just a little bit happier with some plants growing in her house? My aunt Wyveta showed me how she and her grand kids built a light box to get some plants started at their house. I decided to make one to get some herbs started. They'll live in my kitchen window :-)

In case you're just dying to grow some plants in your house (And if you decide to grow something illegal, by all means DO NOT tell anyone that I had something to do with it. When I say "herbs," I mean herbs. No quotation marks. Herbs. Period.), here's how to get started.

Gather up this stuff - a water-proof work surface, box, box cutter, plug-in light source, fluorescent light bulb, aluminum foil, adhesive (I have double sided tape), pots, soil, and seeds.

Turn the box on its bigger side if you have several things to plant. If you want to grow tall plants but not many of them, turn it on its small side for extra height. Line the inside of the box with aluminum foil. I used double sided tape, but I don't recommend it. It gets old peeling the backing off a few dozen pieces of tape stuck down in a box. Don't be like me. Use a glue stick. Once you line the box with aluminum foil, here's what you have...

Now put the box on your head to keep the aliens from being able to scan your brain. Just kidding! It looks kinda freaky though. Poke a hole in the top where your light needs to fit through. Then cut the hole just big enough to get the light socket through, but not so big that it can't hold itself up. Once it's through, screw the light bulb in from the inside. Trust me.

Using a fluorescent light keeps it from getting too hot inside the box. Plus it's good for your energy bill. Haven't you seen all those New York PSAs about changing your lights over to fluorescent bulbs? No? Hmm...

Anyway. Turn the light on and...

...that's how you make a light box! Technically, that's true. But I wanna show you the rest of what I did.

Fill all your pots with soil and plant your seeds according to package directions. I planted chives, oregano, parsley, thyme, cilantro, cat grass (also called wheat grass - tasty cat snack), and catnip. But please, remember to write the name of the plant on the pot before you start planting. Otherwise, things get confusing. And messy. Aren't you glad I did this before you? Now you can do everything right on the first try and people will think you're a lot smarter than I am. Just tryin' to help you out.

Put all the pots in the light box, close the door (flaps), and leave it alone. That poor little pot in the front row didn't make a very good soil scoop after a few minutes. I felt sorry for it. I couldn't just throw him away. He needs to die for a worthy cause. Growing catnip is a worthy cause, right?

But anyway. THAT'S how you make a light box. But I love you guys. I wanna show you what's happened since last Thursday. On Tuesday, I peeked in the box and...

Just look at those little grass sprouts! They're trying to get out of their busted pot. That's what they're tryin' to do. And then today (just one week later)...

BAM! Growing like weeds! Well grass...well... Nuts. Growing like wheat sprouts? Does that sound better? Maybe, but just doesn't make much sense. Ugh...

Look at all those tiny catnip sprouts! I promise there are specks of green poking through for the things people can eat, too. It just so happens that the plants for the kittens are the most impressive.

If you decide to build one let me know. I thought it was fun, but then again I'm weird, and I was going crazy without having a plant to tend to. But now look at all my tiny plants :-)

Oh...and don't forget to water. After the initial planting, spritzing might work best so you don't drown anything. It can get a little humid locked up in a box all day and you don't want anything to mold. Happy planting!

Opinions, Anyone?

Now that Nathan and I have moved far, far away from home, we consider our adult life definitively under way. To go with this new life, we've decided to lose some of our ugly, worn out, Wal-Mart furniture (i.e. plastic) and upgrade to pieces made out of something at least resembling wood. We have some great couches on the way, but the next eye sore that needs replacing is the TV stand. What we have is made out of plastic posts and particle board. It looks something like this, but in a different configuration.

This ABSOLUTELY will not do. So here's the quick low-down on our apartment. The living room is carpeted a light-to-medium tan. The walls are a cream - off-white but definitely with some yellow. We have some hideous brown plastic (think doctor's office or military barracks) "base boards," and I use that term loosely. I am allowed to paint, but I'm not sure I want to commit the time and energy to painting, then painting back before we move out. But back to the TV stand. We have two game systems, some controllers, a cable box, a DVD player, a cable modem, and a wireless router that all need to be neatly put away, so please keep that in mind.

So, everybody, what do you think of these? They're in no particular order except how I managed to click on their icons to upload them. I'll give them names so you can talk about them in the comments.

Please talk about them in the comments! I need help here.

Coventry:

Espresso:

Wilmington: (the three "drawers" are a door hiding shelves)

Cameron:

Holliday: (the sides aren't doors - they're shelves visible from the sides)

Credenza:

Just one more question...How important is solid wood? Because if my internet search has taught me anything, it's that I probably can't afford it even if I could find it.